PhotoVirginia.com Blog

It’s Saturday night on Memorial Day weekend.  Actually, right now, it is Sunday morning.  It’s May 30th, 2010 and it is my middle daughter’s 21st birthday.  Twenty one years ago at this time I was going through hell.  My husband of 13 years had left me 2 weeks before, which was Mother’s Day 1989.  He left because he didn’t think my middle daughter was his, but God knows she was.  So 21 years ago today I had a C-section and my husband never came to the hospital.   My mom was there.  She sat at my head while I had the C-section and she was the first person to see my daughter.  She saw her before I did and she never let me forget it and 18 months later she filed for custody of her and 2 years after that she adopted her.  That old saying, “Money talks and bullshit walks” was definitely the case with me.  I didn’t have any money and she had millions.  Ya just can’t fight money and so I never really got to see my middle daughter or get to know her until she was 18 years old and left my parents home.

My husband finally divorced me in 92 or 93, I can’t remember when exactly it was.  The divorce papers are around somewhere, I haven’t ever needed them but you have to keep them, for some reason.   I never got married again and I never will.  I did have another child.  She is 16 now and I guess because of the issues of her not having a father around in her life and me feeling sorry for her and her being my last baby, well lets just say she is spoiled rotten.  I put on my Facebook status the other day that if I make it through these next 2 years alive or still have some sanity left when she turns 18, then I am having a HUGE party and everyone is invited.  I definitely have reaped what I sowed with her.  Finally, after all these years, I can see what I put my mom and dad through and I am paying for it 10 times over.

I wasn’t that bad a kid.  I never really did drugs.  I never got arrested.  I have though, became kind of a loner.  Not that I want to be but it just worked out like that.  I tried the going out scene but I was older than everyone else and it wasn’t so fun cruising Williamson Rd. in your late 30′s.

Because my youngest daughter “required” so much of my time I stopped going out and if I mentioned going out with another guy, even to this day, she said, “she was all I needed”.   So I spend the majority of my time alone.  All of my friends are married and the ones that I met while I was doing the “scene” were just acquaintances and not true friends.  Now that I have moved over to “the boonies” I have even less contact with people.

I have started going to Social Media meetings and I volunteer to work at different events in the area because I am craving adult conversation.  I am craving the need to feel wanted or to find a purpose for my life.  I want so much to be a good photographer and have my own studio one day but it takes so long to get going as a photographer and I really don’t have that much time left in my life.  Let’s get off the “pity party” though and try to talk about something that is meaningful to everyone.

The “BP Oil Spill” is devastating.  When you watch TV and see what it is doing to our beaches and to our marshlands and our wildlife it is heartbreaking.  I was thinking about it tonight when I was washing a pan before dinner with my Dawn dish detergent.  They are donating millions of gallons of Dawn to help get the oil off of the wildlife.  Do you realize how many people it would take to get the oil off of every bird that has oil on it?  It will never happen.  A lot of our wildlife is just going to be lost and there is nothing anyone can do.  This oil spill is going to destroy probably more than we will ever know in our lifetime.  It is going to affect the future of so many living things and our beaches and our land. On to another subject.

I went to see my beautiful daughter and granddaughter today.  My granddaughter is absolutely the cutest baby besides my own that I have ever seen in my life.  She needs to be in baby commercials.  She has learned to make herself cough now and it is hilarious.  My daughter said that this morning she wanted to wake her up and she was laying there coughing and my daughter would talk to her and then fall back asleep and my granddaughter would do it again to wake her up again.  I love sitting in the floor with her and playing with her toys.  The one thing that has changed so much over the years are the toys for kids.  They used to have rattlers that the baby could put their fingers around and hold, now they are so different and it is hard to find one that her little hand will wrap around.  I kept all of my babies toys so hopefully soon they are going to come over and we are going to go through my junk room and find the older toys for her to play with.

I guess it is time for me to stop this blog and get to sleep.  Tomorrow I want to cook out and have some good ole hamburgers on the grill.  Monday is the “Festival in the Park” singing contest and my friend Julie is in it.  She was picked as one of the top 8 to sing at FITP and I have to be there to hear her.  She said it starts at 1pm so I want to get there early so I can find a place to park and get a good place to sit and watch all the goings on and take photos.

Don’t forget if you are in the Roanoke, VA area and need some great portraits made for “any” occasion, give me a call at 540-890-2223.

Talk to you tomorrow or whenever I feel like I have something to say.